I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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