I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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