i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
