I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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