he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
