once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
