Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
