My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
