sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
