Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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