I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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