That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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