what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
