I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In the future we'll all be gay
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And then my night got REAL pukey
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
