What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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