I cockslap morals
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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