walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
