Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
