I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
