if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize