i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
