how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
