Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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