Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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