Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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