so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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