I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
