I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
