he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
