You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
