O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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