I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
