im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
