There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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