I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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