you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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