Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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