I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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