The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
