he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
