Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
