And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
