all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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