I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's shark week go big or go home
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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