ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
