then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
