I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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