you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
