i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
