Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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