Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
