I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
