Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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