my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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