Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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