I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
