I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
