We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
