I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
did i just pee glitter
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
