you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
