You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
