so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize