We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
