well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
