her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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