apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
