i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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