wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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