i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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