uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
