Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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