I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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