That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
