She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
