yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
